There’s 100 days to go until my due date, so it’s a good time for a brief pregnancy recap.
The worst things that happened when I was pregnant:
- Weeks 9 – 13: Ravenous crazy hunger, combined with all food suddenly tasting terrible. It was like one of those ironic punishment afterlives from greek mythology. I subsisted on banana bread and oatmeal for weeks.
- Week 14: I throw up so violently that all the capillaries in my face burst and I have blood-red eyelids and red spots all over my face like a plague victim. It takes 3 days to fade.
- Week 17: My feet swell up like sausages with toes on the end. I have to buy men’s flipflops because I can’t get my own shoes on my already very large feet.
The best things about being pregnant:
- New big boobs! Cleavage is fun.
- Hormones + prenatal vitamins + no alcohol for months = thick hair, strong nails, and perfect skin. If it wasn’t for the belly I’d be totally hot.
- Having an excuse for everything. No one gets offended if I don’t want to go somewhere, refuse food someone’s made for me, or suddenly decide to take a nap. And I can’t lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk without straining an ab, so all manual labor is out. I can indulge all my latent princessy whims without guilt.
So far my pregnancy experience has been totally normal: first trimester a nightmare of discomfort and fatigue, second trimester comfortable and kind of fun. Now all I have to do is eat like a horse, gain 20 more pounds, and not let my giant belly tip me over.