D-Day minus 100

There’s 100 days to go until my due date, so it’s a good time for a brief pregnancy recap.

The worst things that happened when I was pregnant:

  • Weeks 9 – 13: Ravenous crazy hunger, combined with all food suddenly tasting terrible. It was like one of those ironic punishment afterlives from greek mythology. I subsisted on banana bread and oatmeal for weeks.
  • Week 14: I throw up so violently that all the capillaries in my face burst and I have blood-red eyelids and red spots all over my face like a plague victim. It takes 3 days to fade.
  • Week 17: My feet swell up like sausages with toes on the end. I have to buy men’s flipflops because I can’t get my own shoes on my already very large feet.

The best things about being pregnant:

  • New big boobs! Cleavage is fun.
  • Hormones + prenatal vitamins + no alcohol for months = thick hair, strong nails, and perfect skin. If it wasn’t for the belly I’d be totally hot.
  • Having an excuse for everything. No one gets offended if I don’t want to go somewhere, refuse food someone’s made for me, or suddenly decide to take a nap. And I can’t lift anything heavier than a gallon of milk without straining an ab, so all manual labor is out. I can indulge all my latent princessy whims without guilt.

So far my pregnancy experience has been totally normal: first trimester a nightmare of discomfort and fatigue, second trimester comfortable and kind of fun. Now all I have to do is eat like a horse, gain 20 more pounds, and not let my giant belly tip me over.

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2 thoughts on “D-Day minus 100

  1. remtheory

    I like that you ended with the positives. That vomiting thing made me think, pregnancy, not so much. Not that I’m there, I’m just saying, if/when the time comes, I’ll review this post I’m sure. 😉 BTW, my new address is now just http://www.remtheory.com. Aren’t I fancy? xo

    Reply
  2. Clare Post author

    And then if/when you decide to gestate, it’ll probably be totally different for you, and you’ll have some symptom I’ve never heard of. The vomit-induced blotchiness was apparently just because I’m freakishly pale.

    Reply

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