Dear everyone who is calling me twice a day,
The reason I haven’t called or emailed to tell you about the baby being born is not because I am overwhelmed with new motherhood, laying on the floor incapacitated by contractions unable to reach a phone, or using your new grandchild/niece as a pawn in a strange mindgame.
It is because the baby has not been born. Yes, I know it’s supposed to be any day now. Yes, I am getting pretty tired of being pregnant. That’s why I’m ignoring you and everything else that reminds me of said pregnancy. When the baby is born, I will let you know.
love, Clare
I’m sooo glad I didnt call last night…
Pretty much every time I speak to Jaffray I ask about you. And every time he sighs that he gets to touch its ass for a little while longer because once it’s out of you, it’ll be creepy.
Hang in there…
Dave - if you’d called, you would have gotten to hear my new phone greeting: “Hello, this is Clare, NO, I HAVEN’T HAD THE FREAKING BABY!”. She’ll probably just be born on saturday when they induce me.
Sarah - Creepy, and also a lot poopier. Now is definitely the best time for ass-grabbing.